War and Peace
|image = File:War and Peace.jpg |season = 5 |number = 14 |overall =111 |network = ABC-TV |airdate = January 12, 1993 |writer = Eileen Heisler & DeAnn Heline |director = Andrew D. Weyman |previous = Crime and Punishment |next = Lanford Daze }}War and Peace was the 14th episode of Season 5 of Roseanne, also the 111th overall series episode. Written by Eileen Heisler and DeAnn Heline, the episode was directed by Andrew D. Weyman. It originally aired on ABC-TV on January 12, 1993. Summary As Roseanne takes Jackie to the hospital and Darlene bails Dan out of jail, the story of Dan's defending Jackie quickly spreads through town. Meanwhile, Fisher begs Jackie to come back to him. Roseanne is prepared to attack him herself, but learns that Jackie is strong enough to make her own decisions. Plot In-Depth While Roseanne is taking Jackie to the hospital in Elgin, Darlene goes to bail Dan out of prison. Darlene wryly jokes that they'd always thought that it would be one of the kids on the other side of the bars instead of Dan. Dan groans, then tells Darlene to let the bailiff know about the bail arriving, then Darlene takes her dad back home, where word indeed has gotten out about the incident with Fisher. Stories are flying about town, some as outrageous as claiming that Dan flattened six guys in a bowling alley or that Dan beat up several guys in a poker game. Crystal, Anne-Marie, and Chuck drop by also with more rumors the next morning. Even Roseanne comes back with news that she'd heard the gossip mill at the Buy N Bag, then she and Dan joke that officially they are now "poor white trash" and dance a jig with a little harmonica that Chuck gave Dan. Fortunately, Jackie, who was given sedatives to calm her down, is still asleep and hasn't heard about Dan confronting Fisher yet. But when the sedatives wear off and by noon, Jackie wakes up and comes downstairs and hears about it and is profoundly embarrassed. She's still very traumatized and is in shock over being beaten and now has to deal with her brother-in-law being in trouble now. She calls Dan into the bedroom and tells Dan how upsetting this is for her. She has mixed feelings, however, about Dan's actions...on one hand, she's touched and grateful, but on the other hand, she wished he had thought first before jumping into her problem "like a neanderthal." Jackie fears her problem with Fisher has been made more complicated by Dan's actions and by everyone knowing about it. Dan reassures Jackie that according to many of the tale-bearers, Fisher is only one of several guys Dan beat up last night. Later DJ asks Dan why is it all right that adult sometimes lie, but not for kids. Dan, mistakenly thinks that DJ heard about his dad's being jailed, inadvertently tells him about it, only to discover that DJ didn't know about Dan's beating up Fisher. So, Dan now has to tell DJ about it, including the part about Fisher hurting poor Jackie. DJ then asks a good question about why some people think is "more" wrong to beat up a woman than a man. Dan, stumped for an answer on that one, asks DJ if he wants to hear where babies come from, which quells any further questions from DJ. Roseanne tries to coax a dazed, frightened Jackie into eating a few waffles before going over to help Jackie pack. Jackie is still very upset and confused about Fisher and makes excuses as to why this day is not a good day to move. Roseanne sees thru Jackie's hemming and hawing and is incredulous that Jackie still is thinking of staying with Fisher. Jackie pleads that it's not easy; that she can't just "turn off" her feelings for Fisher. Roseanne then says that she needs to look harder at the bruises on her back, then try to tell herself that she still wants to continue such a destructive relationship. "I'll drive you there myself," Roseanne snaps. "No, you wouldn't..." Jackie says quietly, knowing well that Roseanne would never leave Jackie at the mercy of an abusive boyfriend. They look at each other silently, their sister bond saying volumes just then. Roseanne then quips, "Okay, I lied." Jackie is unable to eat, so Roseanne ends up finishing Jackie's waffle for her, then gathers the boxes and takes Jackie over to pack, with the declaration left on Fisher's answering machine that if Fisher showed up, Roseanne would bash his skull in. As they're packing Jackie's things, Jackie ruefully mumbles about all the self-help books she has and wonders just how troubled she might be. Just as they have the last box almost packed, who shows up but Fisher. He's full of apologies, but Roseanne flatly refuses to buy it and yells at Fisher to just "get out." Fisher tries to make excuses, telling them that he dropped the charges against Dan and tries to wheedle Roseanne into letting him talk to Jackie alone, but Roseanne doesn't budge and really tells Fisher off. Fisher gets indignant and tries to tell Roseanne to butt out, but Roseanne informs him that his hurting her sister has everything to do with her and she was not going to stand by and let Jackie be abused anymore. Jackie, who had been struggling with the decision to leave, is now seeing the pattern, especially when Roseanne discovers that Fisher had hit Jackie before, then apologized and lets Fisher really have it. Seeing Jackie still hesitating a bit, Roseanne is shocked and says that she'll wait outside and hope that this is not the type of sick relationship Jackie is looking for. Roseanne steps outside. Fisher mistakenly thinks that Roseanne has left the building and once more tries to wheedle Jackie to reconsider staying, but Jackie then realizes that this relationship cannot continue and tells Fisher that she's sorry, but she just has to leave. Jackie then picks up her last box and leaves a surprise Fisher in her wake. There's none other than Roseanne standing right outside the apartment. Roseanne starts to pick up the TV set and Fisher protests that it's his. Roseanne purposely drops it and mock-apologizes, mirroring how Fisher's wheedling sounded, then warns Fisher that if he ever, ever came near Jackie again, he have to deal with her and that she is way more dangerous than Dan. With that Roseanne and Jackie are gone and Jackie's painful ordeal with Fisher is gone and thankfully, the abusive relationship is ended. The episode closes with Jackie staying at the Conners temporarily and Roseanne and Dan getting ready for bed. Roseanne watches Dan dry himself after their baths and it's clear that she's thinking it was a good thing she was able to rescue Jackie from Fisher's clutches and how lucky she is to have a wonderful guy like Dan in her life. They banter playfully as Dan climbs into bed with her that winter night. Cast Starring *Roseanne Arnold as Roseanne Conner *John Goodman as Dan Conner *Laurie Metcalf as Jackie Harris *Sara Gilbert as Darlene Conner *Michael Fishman as D.J. Conner *Lecy Goranson as Becky Conner (credit only) Also Starring *Natalie West as Crystal Anderson Guests *Matt Roth as Fisher *Adilah Barnes as Anne-Marie Mitchell *James Pickens Jr. as Chuckie Mitchell *Jeremy Roberts as Jay *Lanyard Williams as Prisoner *Jeremy Roberts as Prisoner *John 'Juke' Logan as Prisoner with Harmonica *Lenny Goldsmith as Singing Prisoner *Jake McLaine as Paper Boy Trivia *In the scene where Anne Marie and Chuck come to visit Dan, a boom mike can clearly be seen being lowered and then raised. Anne Marie even looks up at it. *The actor playing Paper Boy, Jake Pentland (Credited as Jake McLaine) is Roseanne's real life son. *This marks the last episode to feature Fisher. *Despite being credited, Lecy Goranson (Becky Conner) does not appear. Quotes *'Dan': Where is everyone? *'Darlene': Mom's at the supermarket, Aunt Jackie's still sleeping. The doctor gave her something to knock her out. *'Dan': What about DJ? *'Darlene': I tried but he wouldn't swallow the pill. ---- *'Dan' DJ: Bottom line Deej, it's not okay to hit anyone, it's NEVER okay to hit a woman, but it's less not okay if you hit someone who's hurt someone you love. *'DJ': What if a woman hurts someone you love? *'Dan': Are you at all interested in hearing where babies come from? ---- *'Roseanne' (to Fisher): You just make sure you never come near Jackie again, because to get to her, you'll have to get through me, and I'm a lot more dangerous than Dan. I own a loose meat restaurant, I know what to do with the body. ---- *'DJ': Dad, why is it not okay for kids to keep stuff from their parents but it's okay for parents to keep stuff from their kids? *'Dan': I guess I should've been the one to tell you before you heard it from somewhere else about my being in jail last night. *'DJ': YOU WERE IN JAIL!? *'Dan': You didn't know? What was all that stuff about parents keeping things from kids? *'DJ': I was just asking! ---- *'Carl' Dan: Hey Jailbird! What time is visiting hours? *'Dan': What is this, Mayberry? ---- *'Jackie' Dan: It's really humiliating; Roseanne's always handling my problems for me and now you. *'Dan': Well, it's a really big job; we had to expand the department. ---- *'Roseanne': (to Fisher) You know I consider myself a really good judge of people and that's why I don't like none of them. ---- *'Darlene': Dad, the paper's on the phone. They need a picture to run with the artcle, should I send the one of you dressed as "Baby New Year" or just have them use your mug shot? ---- *'Darlene:' (grinning) Well, well, well! *'Dan': Aw, man! *'Darlene: '''My, my, my, my, my! *'Dan:'' What're you doing here? *'''Darlene':' (smugly) You know, I bet when you were envisioning us in this situation, you were picturing yourself on the ''other side of those bars! *'Dan:' Where's your mom? *'Darlene:' Organizing the candlelit vigil. *'Dan:' Come on, Darlene, I don't have time for this! *'Darlene': Oh, I think you do. Category:Season 5 Episodes